Who You are in the Dark
by Courier9
Summary: Posted to the Mass Effect Kink Meme. A short, quick, unprompted fill that was stuck in my head. Rated M just in case, there is mention of blood and injury detail.


Shepard took a step forward. Pain rocked her body, shot through her nervous system like electricity. Her vision was blurred and she squinted slightly, trying to make sense of the path before her. Her body was more beaten and more broken than ever before.

She ran through the conversation she had with the child A.I. in her mind. She knew what she wanted to do, what she had to do. It tore her up inside._After everything... I thought I'd make it out alive this time. _

Her heart wrenched at the thought. She was a survivor, and she had beaten impossible odds before. Akuze, the battle with Saren, hell, she even made it out of the Collector base. _They all looked to me for guidance. For leadership. This is the only way to save them, to show them I need them to keep going. _

Another step, painful as the first. Her head throbbed as a ringing grew louder and louder in her ears. She thought her ears may be bleeding, but she couldn't be sure. How many of my bones are broken? _All of my ribs. My arm, maybe. Probably. Internal bleeding too. Doesn't matter now. _She continued her slow, agonizing walk, hoping as she got closer to the end, the pain would fade.

Her thoughts went back to her crew. To the Normandy. To the ship and people she had grown to love over the few years she worked with them. _My family,_ she decided. Her mind strayed to those she lost, Anderson most recently. He'd guided her, acted like the father she never had. She felt a small amount of comfort in knowing he died with her at his side, as loyal as ever.

A quiet sob escaped her lips as she thought of Thane. Who would have thought the best assassin in the universe was so soft spoken- so spiritual. _I hope you found your ocean, Thane._ To be taken out, killed, the way he was- she was glad he went down fighting. A testament to his will and inner strength. A tear escaped her blurred eyes, causing them to sting from the salt.

Breathing was becoming harder now. She labored, tried to force oxygen into her lungs. She was still walking, ever so slowly, ever so painfully, towards her goal. _Why did things have to turn out this way?_ A sharp pain was working it's way up her legs. _What if I can't make it? _

Legion. The geth that showed her the truth. Before him, she would have never thought the history between the Quarians and their creations was so skewed. He was different than other geth, that was obvious to everyone. _His sacrifice changed the fate of two entire races. He was incredibly brave. No matter what the universe thinks, he had a soul._ Tears were streaming steadily down her face now. She usually hated crying, but made no attempts to stop. _There's no one to see it. No one to see that I'm just a simple human. No better than they are, and no less. _

Her thoughts were becoming harder to form. Her brain and body were beginning to succumb to the damage it had taken. _Almost there._ She knew in her heart, and in her mind, that this is the only possible way for things to end.

Shepard was only a few yards away from the edge. Her heart began racing. The rush in blood flow caused a constant drip of blood to run down her forehead, gathering on her brow and overflowing over her eye when too much had collected. She didn't even realize her head had been cut. _Adrenaline,_ she thought. But the adrenaline hadn't stopped her from feeling the majority of pain in her body. _Must be a lot worse than I thought. _

She paused, a sudden fear emerging, spreading like a cold stream from her heart and into the pit of her stomach._ I don't want to die. _The first time had been bad. Suffocating was worse than she had ever imagined. The panic she felt when she couldn't breathe, the realization that this was it; the end. She had felt an endless flood of grief for everyone she was leaving and for everyone she couldn't protect any longer. She'd had constant nightmares about it, before the nightmares of the boy in the woods took over her sleep.

She knew she would have to die again at some point, but it never occurred to her it would be right now. Here. Away from everyone she cared about, everyone who supported her, the humans and aliens she had decided were her family.

_I thought I would have more time. There's so much I haven't gotten to do. I never had a home on Earth. I never settled down. I never had children. _Her mind turned to her turian. _Garrus._ What she wouldn't give to hold him again. To put her forehead against his, to feel the rough texture of his skin. She did truly love him._ I never thought I would find that kind of love. The kind that fills you until you're brimming with hope. The love that comforts you through your troubles. The kind love that surpasses the limits of species. The kind that makes your heart swell._

Her tears continued, and seemed to be endless now. They mixed with the drips of blood falling to her cheek from the wound on her head, an odd tribute to exactly what it means to be human. To be an organic._ To be alive. _The thought cleared her foggy mind.

Her pause had only lasted a second, but it had seemed longer. She suddenly began to sprint towards the tower of light before her, pushing aside the desperate pleading of her body to stop all movement. With the last bit of strength she had, she leapt off the edge.

The heat hit her immediately. She had never felt anything so white-hot. The feeling seared through her, the intensity of it making it almost feel cold. The heat was agonizing, and she could feel it burning through her skin. She glimpsed at her arm. It was black with char. She could feel the life in her slipping away.

The fall seemed endless, but she knew she would be gone soon. She tried to focus on all the people and aliens and children that would be safe now. Of all those left behind. She thought of those she was saving.

_My friends… my family…Garrus... they'll be safe._

With her last breath, she spoke, barely audible to even herself.

"This is for you."


End file.
